Sunday, January 24, 2010

Brian's encounter with.... "One of them"

In the Brian Stratford dictionary "One of them" is defined as: the crazy people in California who think 60 degrees is cold and when it gets to 60 degrees or below, they will wear their winter gear ie: Snow boots, winter coat, gloves, beanie and/or scarf.

Let me set the scene for you. It had been kind of stormy, and when I say stormy I mean it just rained. The weather was only suppose to get worse. If you watched the news they warned everyone not to drive if they could help it. There was flash flood warnings, mud slide warnings and even a tornado watch. So there Brian was, standing at one of his school bulletin boards in his shorts and t-shirt,  when "one of them" approached him. The kid  was decked out in all his winter gear and he looked apprehensive as he clutched his rainbow umbrella with both hands.

One of them: "Are you from California"

 Brian: (giving the kid his "what are you doing talking to me" look) "No I'm from Utah"

One of them: "So do you think it's safe to drive?"

Brian: "In utah?"

One of them: "No outside in the storm"

Brian: (looks outside and it was cloudy but nothing was happening) "Uhhhh..... what storm?"

One of them: "In the rain!!!!"

Brian: "It's not raining"

One of them: "but the WIND!!!!"

Brian: (thinking back to all his white knuckled winter drives over Sardine Canyon) "I think your gonna be ok!"

Monday, January 11, 2010

Rules to California Driving

I had to learn these rules the hard way! So as a good citizen I decided to help others out by letting them in on the secret of California driving.

Rule 1) There are only 2 speeds you may drive 60 or 90+, nothing in between.

Rule 2) If there is an on ramp or an off you ramp you must slow way down to cause traffic to come to a standstill behind you. Nevermind if there are no cars actually getting on or off, you must slow down for no reason at all!

Rule 3) You must slam on your brakes at weird times. Say your going 60 and you just pull in front of someone..... SLAM.....then you must speed up again and then when it feels right.....SLAM....

Rule 4) If you see someone a mile in front of you just barely tap their brakes, you must slam on your brakes.

Rule 5) While merging you must always be as close to the person you are going to cut in front of   merge in front of and instead of speeding up you must slow way down, preferably by slamming on your brakes!

Hope these are helpful tips, and safe driving!!